Here we are, in week 4 of social isolation—efforts are being made still to “flatten the curve.” I find myself wondering what it is going to be like in the future. How are we going to come out of this? What will be our new norm? Will I ever be able to shake another person’s hand, or give my hospice patients a well-needed hug?
No matter if we are sheltering in place or are essential workers, our daily routines have been greatly altered. I’ve found that some days I feel jarred with anxiety, and other days I feel like I am waking up in the middle of the Ground Hog Day movie, with each day blending into the next. Is it Tuesday or is it Saturday???
Doing a mindful check in every morning actually helps to make each day stand out from the others in a more positive way. I came up with some questions to ask myself each day that I would like to share with you, which may help to add some structure to your day, decrease anxiety and also add some pockets of joy in this difficult time we are experiencing.
Here are the 6 questions…
1. What am I grateful for today?
In Viktor Frankl’s quote, “Between a stimulus and a response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” This passage is from his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, which was about his time imprisoned by the Nazis in 1944. After being released, Frankl described his three years in the concentration camps of being tormented in mind, body and spirit. What he also described was the choice of how reframed his suffering into gratitude of what was truly important in life, and to be grateful for things that the rest of us may take for granted.
In his book, Frankl described how conditions of extreme deprivation and cruelty enabled the prisoners to attain incredibly high levels of gratitude for the tiny things, such as a colorful sunset or memories of family and loved ones. He wrote in his memoir, “We were grateful for the smallest of mercies.”
Taking this passage in, what can you say that you are grateful for today? Take a few moments to make a list of the things that you may be grateful for, and continue to add to this list throughout the day. Research has shown that keeping a gratitude journal for 21 days actually changes the neuropathways in the brain, changing the brain chemistry, and has the similar effects of an antidepressant! So, start noticing what you are grateful for and keeping track of that list today.
2. Can we still help others, even in the midst of “social distancing”?
Even as we “social distance,” we need this time more than ever to pull together, despite the physical distance. My mom, who lives alone, has been inside her home for over 35 days. This is the safest place for her, and we try to support her by calling her several times a day, face-timing with her and reaching out to her any way we can (having conversations through her window). Who can you reach out to today? A neighbor who lives alone? Texting your friends to check in with them? Writing an old fashioned letter to someone, or calling an old high school friend. This is the time to reconnect—not isolate. This will not only make someone else feel less isolated but will also open your heart and lift your spirits as well!
3. Are you able to just let go?
Can you truly just let go of the expectations you may have for yourself? We want to be as productive as we were pre COVID crisis, but it’s just not possible right now. This may lead to strong emotions such as frustration, impatience, agitation, which is more disruptive to your household right now. Many of us are out of work, possibly setting up a home office while trying to homeschool our children. The pressures of getting homework assignments done, meeting your own deadlines for work, cooking a nutritious meal every night, and trying to keep the house disinfected is enough to make anyone crazy! That’s just a whole lot of pressure! Remember…we are in the middle of a global pandemic!!! It’s OK to be gentler with yourself right now. Give yourself some slack on things. What’s most important right now are the relationships under your roof, to show love and compassion towards yourself and one another. Being patient with yourself and then extending that to others you have in your household is most important. There is no “normal,” and every day we must adjust to the change that is constantly happening around us. Just try your best, and let go of expectations of what things “should” look like. This will bring more freedom and softness to your day and kindness to our relationships.
4. Can I feel something bigger than myself out there?
The only place that I truly feel like I have ease in my body is being outside. Walking miles each day, very early in the morning has really served to calm my nervous system. Noticing that nature is still doing its thing, blooming, and showing its great beauty, despite everything that is happening right now in the world is comforting to me. The birds are still flying…in fact, I read in the newspaper this past week that there is a question trending on Google search, asking “are the birds singing louder right now?” Less noise pollution, taking time to just pause and deeply listen, and perhaps feeling a spiritual presence that we are not all alone in this is most likely what people are experiencing. Getting outside in nature and sitting in the sun for five minutes, or gazing at the stars and moon at night will bring back that sense of wonder and awe.
5. Am I still moving?
I’ve done more work on my computer over the last several weeks than I ever have! When we are experiencing anxiety and fear in our bodies—we tend to contract inward, tightening muscles that we don’t even realize, and possibly even holding our breath! Take some time during the day to notice where your shoulders are in relation to your ears, and bring them down a bit, opening up your chest area. Are you breathing? Taking the time to shift out of our heads and back into our bodies will help with anxious feelings and also help to oxygenate all of the cells of the body. Lift your arms over your head and breathe in for a count of 4, then bring arms back down to your sides for a count of 4, and repeat several times. Try getting up and taking a walk around the block or running up and down your stairs in your home. Get that blood pumping in your body once again! If mobility is an issue, just doing some small joint rotations—like moving the wrists and/or ankles around clockwise and then counterclockwise. Pause to tilt your chin to your chest, look up to the sky, then to right and left, then shrugging the shoulders up and down. Take a moment to do some self-massage to the back of your neck muscles for a nice break from the computer, or place a hand on your heart to give yourself some kindness and compassion in the middle of your day.
6. Can I practice “Beginner’s Mind” every day?
Beginners mind is my favorite attitude of mindfulness and my “go to” every day to bring some extra beauty and joy into my life. The practice of beginner’s mind is learning to approach something in your life like you have never seen or experienced it before. It’s seeing something with a fresh set of eyes, like you are seeing it for the first time, with no preconceived notions or judgments about it. When we allow a beginner’s mind approach, we let go of any agenda we may have, opening up new possibilities, with more openness and joy!
You can practice this by gazing upon a tree or a flower-like you have never seen it before, or seeing it with the eyes of a child, noticing every detail, with curiosity and openness. The ability to let in beauty is a powerful antidote to the loss of hope. There is still lots of beauty and goodness around us, we just need to practice letting it in every day.
“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable”. -Mary Oliver
It is my hope that as I share these simple questions with you that they may help to create more meaning and connection for you in the days ahead. Be gentle with yourself while answering the questions, without added stress or worry about if we are answering them “correctly.” Allow the answers to flow spontaneously without judgment, and then perhaps passing the questions to someone else to create dialogue, connection and meaning to share some special moments together.