Experiencing the Fullness of All Things

Here it is, mid-August, and I haven’t had a chance to write a summer newsletter/blog post. Looking back at my experience of summer this year makes me pause for a moment and take in the fullness of all the events that have occurred in a short 7-week period. 

The timeline started in late April, when the miracle of our 2nd grandchild was born. Baby Grace came into the world two weeks early. I arrived in Charlotte, North Carolina, on a Friday afternoon, and my daughter went into labor the next morning! Maybe my mere presence put her into labor!! I wasn’t supposed to be there that early, but something told me to go. I’m so grateful I was there for the event and having some bonding time with my precious grandson, Jack while my daughter was in the hospital.     

I got back to Lititz a month later, and my son’s wedding was a few weeks away! I was in full swing wedding mode! Last minute hotel preparations, goodie bags, transportation for loved ones, rehearsal dinner plans, etc… It was another incredibly wonderful event, filled with so much joy and blessings. Even the weather was beautiful, despite the grim forecast and the rain earlier in the day of the wedding. 

We got back home from the wedding, enjoying the afterglow of the beautiful wedding, and 3 days later we got a call that my father-in-law passed away suddenly. We went from this incredible high of happiness and joy after the birth of baby Grace and our son’s wedding to the shock of losing a loved one that we all thought would live until he was 100 years old. It didn’t seem real – like whiplash for our emotions. How can it go from being on top of the world, quickly changing to this. We found ourselves now planning a funeral and seeing the same family we saw at the wedding a week ago. 

The big reason why I’m sharing all of this in my newsletter/blog post is because this is the stuff of our human experience of doing life. The fullness of all things that life brings you. We never know how or when things are going to be incredibly joyous, to moving so quickly to shock, sadness and grief. My faith in God and my practice of mindfulness got me through this summer. Meeting the moments of joy and of sadness with equanimity and awareness, and taking it all in. Not clinging to the good times, and not resisting the challenging, sad times, but having a sense of balance during life’s ups and downs. Sitting with all the moments and moving towards acceptance of what is here in each moment.    

Mindfulness tools can help to regulate the nervous system, manage difficult emotions, and skillfully notice unhelpful thought patterns. Adding an element of kindness and self-compassion to yourself when times are especially difficult is also very helpful. 

Experiencing the miracles, wonder and joy of a new birth and a wedding, and then the end of a life of a dear family member gave me perspective that life is indeed precious and oh so fragile.

 Practicing some of these mindfulness tools has giving me greater inner calmness where compassion, joy, wisdom and strength reside:

1. Allowing myself to feel emotions and name them. I tried not to suppress feelings, but rather respond to them with some balance. Naming the emotion helps to tame them. Where is this strong emotion living in my body? Getting out of my head and back into my body is helpful. I often describe this to my clients as learning how to “ride the waves” in the ocean, rather than getting knocked over by them and drowning.   

2. Mindful awareness: Being aware of my own thoughts and emotions and being present with all things – joy, happiness, or grief and sadness. Knowing that all things are impermanent. The strong emotion I’m experiencing in the moment will be different in 5 minutes. Things continue to constantly change and pass, so having the courage to let it all in.

3. Breathing and grounding practices: Practicing counting my breaths to 20, 4/7/8 breath practice, or 4 square breathing is very helpful in managing intense emotions or escalating anxiety. Also, coming back into the physical sensations in my body – feeling my feet on the ground, or feeling my bottom in the chair gives me grounding and presence of the moment. Doing some yoga or a mindful walk is extremely grounding, even if it’s a short practice.    

4. Self-compassion – This is the one I most struggle with, but I’m a work in progress!!! Practicing being gentle to myself, not just plowing through something with self-determination. Being my own best friend, asking myself, how would I respond to a friend in need right now? Can I respond the same way to myself? 

I hope these words allow you to pause and take a breath. We are all living this human life, which is full of wonder, joy, sadness and so many miracles to experience. 

Wishing you all peace and blessings with your own experience of the “fullness of all things”. 

Love,

Marygrace 

Spring is my Teacher…

“There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature – the assurance that dawn, comes after night, and spring after winter.” 
–Rachel Carson

It’s finally spring! It has always been my favorite season filled with such wonder as nature transforms right in front of our eyes. It feels like in an instant we go from the dark, cold slumber and hibernation of winter, to the lush, colorful landscape and energy of spring. Everything awakens, it is palpable when you step outside. 

There are many mindfulness practices that we can take in during the spring time. Nature has a way of teaching us so much when we pay attention to what’s going on outside. Spring shows us the quality of impermanence. It is such a fleeting season, what is blooming today, may not be the same in a few days from now. A tree has beautiful cherry blossoms on it today, and a big wind or storm can quickly have the pedals fall to the ground and wither away. There is a burst of intense beauty and the fragility of life that exists together. I tend to find myself wanting to cling to the beauty, and continuously remind myself to just be present to it, and to truly appreciate what is happening in the moment. How do you experience the beauty of the season without clinging or wishing it would last forever? 

Another practice is patience. We have an old, big gnarly dogwood tree in our front yard. It has some imperfections in the bark, which we were watching closely to make sure that it didn’t become diseased. It’s mid-April, and the tree really didn’t show many signs of blooming. My husband was quite concerned about this old tree, saying to me that it will be a huge loss having to dig the tree up as he thought it was not going to make it another season. He looked into arborists coming out to take the tree down. I continued to tell him to wait it out and see what happens. We were away for a few days, and when we came back this incredible tree was blooming gorgeous white delicate flowers!!! The tree worked so hard to bloom for us! The lesson here is patience…to wait to have things unfold exactly as they are supposed to. We can’t rush nature, it will bloom when it’s ready. How grateful we are for each of those blooms…

Beginner’s mind is another attitude of mindfulness that is so easy to access with the wonder of this season. Looking at each flower with a set of childlike eyes, like you have never seen it before. Taking time to take in a tree sprouting new leaves, or blades of grass turning green. There are miracles right in front of us. What happened to our state of wonder as we grew older? Looking at things like a child with beginner’s mind gives you back that sense of awe. Research has been done regarding the feelings of “awe” in the body. Dr. Kacher Keltner, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, describes awe as the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your understanding of the world. This feeling of awe activates the vagal nerves, which allows the body to have a relaxation response, slowing the heart rate, relieves digestions and deepens breathing, and improves our sense of wellbeing. 

Trust is another attitude I like to apply to the all of the seasons. We trust that the sun will always rise for the new day, and trust that spring will always be there to follow the deep winter. There is hope in the season of spring. A renewal process and an energy to the earth becoming new again. To immerse yourself in that energy when you go for a simple walk is amazing. We can bring all the senses into the walk – using sight to notice the spring unfolding around you, feeling the warmth of the air and the sun, hearing the sounds of spring, the birds singing or the wind rustling in the trees, the earthy smell of spring or the flowering blossoms of a lilac bush. Using the senses brings us back into the present moment and gets us out of our usual autopilot way of being. 

I encourage you to be present for the spring and pay attention to what nature is teaching us. Notice how the energy of spring is felt deep within your own body. 

Wishing many moments of wonder and awe in your own backyard.

Peace,

Marygrace

Who loved you into being?

“All of us have special ones who have loved us into being. Would you just take ten seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are . . . ten seconds of silence.”

— Fred Rogers

It’s February, and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. February is often known for being a month dedicated to love—not only for sweethearts, but all things love, including all those we have loved and all those who have loved us over our lifetime. Family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and even our beloved pets. 

When I was a child, one of my favorite things to do was to watch Mr. Rogers and his magical neighborhood. It was always a beautiful day in the neighborhood! His quiet presence, the feeling of belonging, and the wonder in the ordinary were most likely my first lessons in mindfulness. His slow, calm cadence, using moments of silence to communicate that he was all in. He didn’t seem rushed or bothered by distractions of the day. So much of what he taught in his episodes is still so relevant today.

In 1997, Mr. Rogers accepted an Emmy for Lifetime Achievement Award. He gave a very unique, poignant speech that evening that has stayed with me all of these years. While he was up there delivering his speech, he deliberately moved the spotlight away from himself, and moved it toward the people who have shaped us—people unseen, people with names known especially to us. 

He said,

“All of us have special ones who have loved us into being. Would you just take, along with me, ten seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are—those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life? Ten seconds of time. I’ll watch the time.”

Initially, people in the audience fidgeted, giggled, and were not sure what to do…

But then, you could see everyone settle into that space. Their minds go to very loving places. People sat in silence with tears welling up in their eyes, remembering the presence of people who have loved them into being. It was a beautiful moment, unexpected and very powerful. 

He continued,

“Whomever you’ve been thinking about. . . how pleased they must be to know the difference you feel they’ve made.”

Such a sacred moment.

This Valentine’s Day, give yourself some time to think about “who loved you into being.” To feel grounded in that love, even if that person is no longer with us. Don’t worry about trying to find a perfect relationship without ambivalence (those are very rare), but focus on someone who has cared for you, wanted the very best for you in life.

Spend a few moments taking this in, allowing yourself to feel the connection with this person and feel the gratitude. Rest in feeling loved and cared about, knowing that you matter and that you have worth.

Finally, as Fred Rogers noted, this person (wherever they are) would be pleased to know the difference they made.

Wishing you love this month and many beautiful days in your own neighborhood,

Marygrace

Write it on your Heart that Every Day is the Best Day in the Year…

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.Finish every day and be done with it.You have done what you could.Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

With the start of this New Year, let’s reflect on the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson “finish every day and be done with it, and begin each day well and serenely. The new day is too dear to waste a moment on the yesterdays.”

2022 is done, let’s be present to each day of this new year, starting each day with intention. I’m not much into New Year’s resolutions… I think they set us up for too many rigid expectations that are out of reach for most of us. Instead, look at the big picture of what you would like your days to look like in 2023.

The best thing that most likely happened to me was three weeks ago, when I was multitasking. I was rushing around my house, doing 25 things at the same time. I had just taken my puppy outside, it was raining and she wouldn’t come into the house, so I ran outside to get her just wearing socks on my feet.  I came into the house and started dinner—popped something into the air fryer, was stir frying veggies on the stove, then quickly ran downstairs into our basement to get something out of the freezer, while carrying a bunch of items in my arms. My socks were still wet, I turned the corner of my old wooden worn out steps, going about a thousand miles per hour —I slipped on the wooden step with my wet sock, went up into the air and hit down on my left buttock—and fell down all seven steps. I ended up with quite a large hematoma on my left buttock, and was pretty shaken up by the incident. It could have been so much worse if I hit my head, or broken a bone, it could been a devastating outcome. It was a huge wake up call for me to SLOW DOWN!!!! 

That same week, I was out visiting a hospice patient for a wound consult. I was helping her to the bathroom, and she looked up at me, and said, “I move very slowly now, I have no time to rush.” Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. Those words, “I have no time to rush” are going to carry me through the year 2023. That is my intention for the new year. Why do I have such a sense of urgency throughout my day? Can I allow myself to slow things down and enjoy each moment?  When I am rushing around, I‘m always trying to cram just one more thing into my day, leading me to feel like there is just not enough time. This leads to more anxiety in my body, and a deep feeling of unease. When I’m intentional with my time, there is more awareness of what’s here in the moment. Pausing for a few seconds, coming back to my breath, feeling my feet on the ground—getting out of my head and back into my body. Realizing that every moment is sacred. 

So, think about what you would like to bring into this new year, and intentionally let it in. Be curious about moving through your day a little differently than our habitual way of doing things. 

Write in your heart that every day is the best day of the year. 

Wishing you a year that will be filled with many blessings, health, a sense of ease, and peace for 2023. 

This Holiday Season…

“Everything is beautiful and I am so sad.
This is how the heart makes a duet of
wonder and grief. The light spraying
through the lace of the fern is as delicate
as the fibers of memory forming their web
around the knot in my throat. The breeze
makes the birds move from branch
to branchas this ache makes me look for those I’ve lost
in the next room, in the next song, in the laugh
of the next stranger. In the very center, under
it all, what we have that no one can take
away and all that we’ve lost face each other.
It is there that I’m adrift, feeling punctured
by a holiness that exists inside everything.
I am so sad and everything is beautiful.”

— Poem: "Adrift" by Mark Nepo

This poem, Adrift, by Mark Nepo describes the duality of life… the wonder and the grief, the light and the dark, the joy and the sadness. This is may be how the holidays may feel for some. I just finished teaching a four week session for Pathways for Grief and Loss and so many of the brave participants who had a recent loss of a loved one actually dreaded the holidays coming up. 

The season is full of reminders of experiences we’ve had and aren’t able to experience any longer, and the people we’ve loved, which can bring a deep sadness to the season. Then we may feel a sense of pressure of what we “should” be feeling, the magic the season “should” bring. The holidays are supposed to be the happiest time of the year, and yet that feeling of dread is here.

What is your truth? You don’t have to feel the pressure of how you “should” feel this season. Navigating your way around the holiday season takes a lot of energy to keep it together, to spend time putting a smile on your face when deep down inside, there is a profound heartache.

It’s okay if you are sad right now. Let it all in, become aware of your emotions and feelings, and don’t resist what’s here right now. Know that you are NOT alone.  This is a time to be extremely gentle with yourself, to honor your thoughts and feeling, and to reach out to those who understand. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to an invitation if it feel too heavy, too difficult for you to accept.  Don’t feel guilty in your decision to take care of yourself during this difficult time. 

This too, shall pass. January will come, a time to have space to breathe, to reset, and to see the wonder in the winter. Use this as a time of self compassion, of kindness and gentleness to yourself. 

Continue to show up for yourself. As the poem reads, there is a holiness that exists in everything. Find those little pieces of holiness around you. 

You are strong, you are resilient, dig deep down inside yourself and know your truth. 

Wishing you all peace, health and love this holiday season,

Marygrace

Finding Your Balance

Summer has officially ended!!! It feels so fleeting looking back on it, such a whirlwind of activity. We had a busy summer, traveling to see our children, spending some time at the beach with family and friends and getting a new puppy! (Luna, a Cavapoo – she’s an amazing puppy!) 

The fall equinox was on September 22nd this year. Over the past week, I’ve been thinking about the significance of the equinox and how it can relate to our own lives.     

The fall equinox is a time where the energies of light and dark are held in balance, as the equinox is the day when the length of day and night are perfectly equal. Post-equinox, the days continue to grow shorter and give way to longer nights, marking the start of the slow descent into winter. The days will continue to shorten until the winter solstice. It’s a time to pause, and notice the duality of life – how light and dark coexist.

How does this affect us? With the light and dark in perfect balance, I’ve been thinking more about the “balance” in my own life. Which areas do you feel most balanced and which areas do you feel a bit off? There are days where I feel like I’m on a teeter-totter, desperately trying to find my center.

I think that the first step to finding your balance in awareness that I’m “off balance,” and the need to find it again. Sometimes I work so many hours, I ignore all the signs that I’m off balance, and continue to trudge forward until something in my body – like getting sick, stops me in my tracks. Oops – guess I was really out of balance…  Time to reign it in and slow it down! 

A great reminder for me is turning to nature to find my center. Watching Mother Nature, knowing that the cycles of life require a true balance of dark and light, just like we need time to sleep in order to replenish our energy for our waking lives. Nature needs time to rest and renew as well. Watching nature turning inward toward this place of transition from fall into winter is an act of balancing. The trees are getting ready to shed their leaves, a sense of “letting go,” then turning inward toward rest and respite for the winter. Nature is always in perfect balance – embracing a sense of surrender, grace and trust in the process of moving from one season to another. The transition rests on the one point of balance – the Equinox.

Taking some time to ponder that we live in a world of duality – that dark and light must coexist together, as this sense of duality is the nature of all things. We can move to a place of acceptance, and approach our lives from a place of stability, acceptance and steadiness – like a tree does just standing in the forest.

So go ahead and “play” on that teeter–totter, and bring some lightness to the process of finding your balance.  When you fall off, you can go back and try to find your center. Something as simple as pausing, taking a few moments to breathe a few deep breaths (equal parts breath practice: breathe in for 3, hold for 3, and exhale for 3), or walking around the block and being in nature may help to find your center and serve as a reset button.  

Finding our balance could be a process of great joy and excitement or chaos and overwhelm, or anything in between! Being in the moment and accepting what is present in the moment is the beauty of it all. 

Hello everyone! Happy Summer!!!

Hello everyone!  Happy Summer!!!

Yes, we are officially in full throttle summer! This is the second week of July and I hope you are enjoying some of what summer offers us.  

My big question for summer is “How can you live each day with a bit of intention, letting a slice of summer in each day?” 

What does summer mean to you? What piece of “summer nostalgia” can you let in to really feel like its summer in your everyday life? For me, it’s walking barefoot most of the time in the summer – obviously, when I’m not at work! It’s kicking off my shoes and feeling the grass beneath me, navigating the rocks going to my garden, and hopping on the hot pavement to water my plants outside my garden fence. I’m always so surprised how dirty my feet are at the end of the day! Yikes!!! It’s eating a popsicle on my back porch or watching the lightning bugs light up the sky while taking a slow late-night walk. It’s the smell of Coppertone sunscreen – it always takes me back to sitting on a beach, basking in the rays of sunshine.  

Summer is so fleeting, yet so magical. The ability to be outdoors, to really experience nature in full bloom is pure magic itself! The last thing that I would like to happen is heading into Labor Day weekend and asking myself – “where did the summer go”? So, I challenge each of you – what piece of “summer” can you bring to your everyday life to intentionally let summer in? Please share your ideas with the other readers!

I recently have had to deal with a few bumps in my summer plans. My family was so looking forward to getting together for the July 4th holiday. A big family reunion was planned with our 7 month old grandson, all of our children, my brother’s family, even my 86 year old mother! We all managed to get together and then it happened… my husband started to get a sore throat, eventually testing positive for COVID, and then me testing positive 3 days later. There we were, feeling pretty terrible physically, and now sharing a space with our family, which was extremely worrisome as we had the potential to expose others to the virus, resulting in them getting sick, especially my baby grandson and my elderly mom. We immediately isolated, and the family reunion we were hoping to have got high jacked by COVID. The plans that we had worked on for months suddenly changed. 

There were a lot of emotions and worries that immediately were swirling around in my head.  he “Why Now” question. My husband and I have been working in health care for the past two years with COVID patients and never contracted the virus. I can’t tell you the numerous times we were both exposed, and somehow, we got it on the weekend of our planned family reunion. Yes, I was feeling angry and upset and let down and out of control… need I say more? Most of all, disappointed. I couldn’t hold our grandson the remainder of the time together, who I rarely see, who traveled from North Carolina to be with us. Yes, disappointment was here. On top of all of this, day four of my symptoms, I lost my taste and smell – I noticed this while I was eating jelly bellies, and couldn’t taste one jelly bean from another! Very strange and odd sensation, but I’m hopeful it will resolve itself soon. 

I had to sit with these difficult emotions. I had to have time to process the disappointment and the wanting things to be different from what they were. That’s what makes us upset – resisting to what is happening in the moment. We had COVID and there was nothing we were going to do to change this. We had to isolate, which means we had to be away from our family during the family reunion. 

During my time of processing and sitting with these difficult emotions, I thought of all of the others who had greatly suffered with COVID over the past 2 ½ years. Those patients that I’ve care for, those isolated and elderly in nursing facilities, who had their last days only with the medical staff and couldn’t see their families during lock down. I thought of how helpless their families must have felt being unable to say goodbye to their loved ones. I remembered all of the window visits I witnessed in the nursing facilities and how sad it was to see this happening. How love carried families through, despite what COVID did to separate them.  

I thought about how grateful I was that although we felt pretty crappy, my husband and I had rather mild cases of COVID and we didn’t require hospitalization. We can still go for walks, enjoy nature together, and we had each other to isolate with. What a blessing that was…

I also am beyond grateful that so far… none of our family members contracted the virus from us. That was what I am most grateful for. It could have been devastating. 

Our time of isolation is still going on as I write this, and yes – I am letting lots of pieces of summer in each day. I have a greater appreciation for being outside, using my other three senses (seeing, feeling, hearing) to take in nature, as my sense of taste and smell are still gone. 

This is the world we live in now, a world full of uncertainty and not knowing what is coming our way, despite all the planning in the world that we do. It’s important to be with each moment, to recognize what strong emotions are coming to the surface and what we are resisting. What can we still find that is good even when life throws you a bunch of lemons? 

The house that we rented for our family reunion has an abundance of wall hangings with positive sayings on them… a bit annoying, as each wall has a different spin on the same idea.

“Today is a good day for a good day”

“The Lake is my happy place”

“Relax, enjoy the view”

“Unwind, soak in the sun”

“Be Happy!”

Like I said, a bit annoying mostly because there are so many of them, but I guess they serve as a great reminder that we all have a choice as how we will react to what life throws out at us. I’m choosing gratitude and letting slivers of summer into each day. I’m looking forward to holding baby Jack once again, and grateful that we are recovering. 

Happy Summer! Today is a good day for a good day… XOXOXOXO!

Lost and Found

When I was a little girl, I had, and still have, a very curious mind. I would wander off when my mom took me to the store, and then would feel the surge of panic set in when I couldn’t find her. On several occasions, I remember my name being called out on the loud speaker of the store saying to report to the service desk immediately, where I would find my mom standing there, not very happy with me. She always told me if I became lost, to stay in one place, and she could easily find me. 

Contrary to what she instructed  me to do, I never stood in one place—I immediately started to search up and down the aisles for her, panicked, my eyes flooding with tears, my heart pounding, thinking I would never see her again. Even though she would be extremely angry at me at the customer service desk, I had such a sense of relief when I finally did find her. I remember the searching feeling like it was an eternity, feeling lost, all by myself in that great big store, with rows and rows of items, strangers around me and not being able to find my mom. I just couldn’t stay still, I had to keep moving. 

This past week, I was feeling a bit lost again, coming off the tragedies of multiple mass shootings in our schools, grocery stores, and hospitals, COVID cases rising again, the ongoing war in Ukraine, formula shortage crisis (my Grandson, baby Jack is greatly affected by this), and the rising inflation in our country.  Uncertainty is here, along with the heart ache of those who are experiencing great loss and grief. I find myself moving again like I was in that grocery store many many years ago, feeling distracted, anxious and trying to find my way back. I remembered my mom telling me, Marygrace—when you are lost, stay in one place and I will find you.

 Maybe that’s the key—stillness in the midst of all of this chaos and suffering around me. Can I allow myself to become still? To come back to myself, to find God’s goodness deep within to help weather the storm that we are all facing today. I gave myself permission every day this past week to just be. To settle into what is still good and hopeful in my day, and to just be in the moment that I was in. I challenge you to do the same this week…find five minutes to go from doing to just being. Just sit and ask your mind and body to do absolutely nothing at all, except to breathe, and see what it is like. Set your timer for five minutes and be curious as to how this actually feels! Notice the space that is created in that moment and your nervous system settling.  This won’t solve all of the problems listed above, but there is potential to feel a bit more grounded to weather through them. The power of stillness in the midst of chaos, to feel the dust settle, you may actually feel some relief—like you are finally found. 

Feeling into your heart…

Is your heart feeling open or a bit closed off these days? Do you feel a lightness and openness in your heart center or do you feel a bit heavy and constricted? I was walking on a wooded trail the other day, and noticeable feeling a bit stressed about the current world situation, job stressors, and time line expectations that I needed to address. I noticed that contracted and closed off feeling in my chest, and my breath was a bit shallow. Uuuuugghhhh…the “crunch” of life.  

I happened to look up at the trees just at the right time, and found this sweet quilted heart hanging from one of the trees branches. It made me stop in my tracks. It served as a great check in for me to pause and reflect back on what this heart meant for me in that moment. Kind of like the universe asking me to STOP and check in with my own heart. I also thought about the person who carefully quilted this treasure and carefully placed it up in this tree for all to enjoy. The beauty of this individual…

My heart went from a heavy, tight feeling to a place of deep gratitude. So much of the worry, anxiety and catastrophizing about the future, and clinging to the past transformed into a place of what is good for me right now in this moment. Feeling a sense that God was present and I was safe. I breathed into that moment, felt my feet firmly planted on the ground and noticed my heart immediately felt softer and more open. I was able to finally take a deep breath in and a longer exhale out. I closed my eyes and felt the sun on my body, warming me in a layer of nature’s goodness. 

This is all I needed. This is there for all of us. So, what does it feel like in your heart center? I challenge you to get outside and just be. Take in all that nature has so generously given us. Breathe it all in, and exhale it out very slow.  

Practicing Gratitude in the Midst of Uncertainty…

With all of this uncertainty in life right now, the one thing that is certain is that our country and our entire world are still in the grips of the COVID-19 pandemic. We have no idea what the future will hold. We are not sure if schools will open in a few months when we will return back to the office or what the cooler winter months will bring. All of this “not knowing” can lead to a great deal of stress and anxiety. We may not even be aware of the anxiety we may be holding in our bodies. Some clues that we are experiencing stress may include not sleeping well, feeling a bit on edge, or possibly flying off the handle when its least expected. Whenever I start to feel these things coming on, I remind myself to pause and to slow down, to look around and take stock of what really matters to me, and to practice gratitude. 

Gratitude is a very powerful practice that has the ability to shift us from focusing on lack of or desiring something to be different—to noticing the goodness that is already here in the present moment. It helps to change our perspective and focus on the positive instead of the negative. Research has shown that practicing gratitude has many benefits of increased health and wellness, positive emotions, better sleep, and increased self-esteem. The more we practice gratitude, the easier it becomes, and we begin to take in the world in a more positive light by actually changing our brain neuropathways. Practicing gratitude also helps us to feel a deep connection to ourselves, others, and something larger than ourselves.  

A great way to practice gratitude is the G.L.A.D. technique. I’ve been teaching this technique to my patients in hospice care, and also in the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction groups that I lead. The G.L.A.D. technique helps you to focus on what’s going right in your life instead of what’s wrong or wanting things to be different.  The G.L.A.D.  is an acronym for ways to find more joy, purpose, and balance in your day (this practice was developed by Donald Altman).  

Here is how to do The G.L.A.D. Technique:

G—Write down one thing that you are grateful for today.  This can mean basic gratitude for the pillow you laid your head on when you slept, or the water that is coming out of our kitchen faucet to drink. This can also be gratitude for a person, an experience, a job, etc…

Today I am grateful for the sunrise I was able to see from my porch rocking chair. 

L—Write down one new thing that you learned today.  This can be about yourself or something new that you learned from others. It can mean learning a new fact about something, or what you learned from an experience.  This allows you to see that each day is full of new things!

After a long day’s work, I learned that taking a hot bath before I go to bed, helps me to sleep better.    

A—Write down one small accomplishment that you have done today.  We often believe that an accomplishment has to be something big and grand.  It can be ordinary acts of self-care that you did for yourself or for someone else. 

For example:

• Not skipping meals

• Taking medications or supplements correctly

• Getting enough sleep

• Paying bills on time

D—Write down one delight that touched you deeply today. Consider anything that gave you joy or made you smile. This could be noticing beautiful flowers, laughing with friends, connecting with someone, or eating a great piece of chocolate!

I was surprised and delighted by a chocolate ice cream treat my coworker got for me today on our lunch break.    

This G.L.A.D. technique can change our mindset to a more positive outlook for our lives. It’s even more effective if you date each entree in your journal, and then look back on how much goodness there is in your life that may have gone unnoticed.  

We may not have much control over what’s ahead for us right now, but we do have an opportunity and a choice to see the good that is around us. You can practice this G.L.A.D. technique by journaling as a quiet mindful practice, or share it with your family or a group of friends to do together! Try this practice daily for a week, and notice how this grateful state starts to remain with you throughout the day, and possibly even reducing some of the stress and anxiety you are experiencing. Gratitude is free, keeps us in the present moment, and helps us to let the good in, which we can all use a dose of right now!

A Nurse’s Perspective

It’s been difficult putting into words what I felt after I came home from work this past week. I believe it was sadness, maybe frustration, possibly helplessness…I am a nurse practitioner, specializing in palliative wound care and have been in nursing for the past 35 years. I’ve never had emotions run so deep as when I did wound rounds with four other nurses in a long term care facility this past week. The five of us were dressed in full PPE, as we walked into the patients’ rooms to access the wounds and do wound care for the day. We all surrounded the bed of each patient, and each patient looked up at us horrified. Some of the patients had dementia and were not sure what to make of all five of us standing around their beds looking like aliens in our masks, goggles, headgear, gowns, and gloves. I was struck with how hard I was working to make a connection with each of these patients and how each of them appeared frightened and confused, some just didn’t respond and looked the other direction. It was difficult trying to navigate wound care in full PPE— at one point, getting onto the ground to see a patient’s heel wounds with all of my gear on. My goggles kept slipping off my face, I had to change gloves several times to readjust them. The rooms were hot, I felt waves of anxiety during the visits of not being able to breathe. I had to pause several times to ground myself and take a few deep breaths to stay calm and focused. I remember leaving the facility, taking off my N95 mask, and breathing in that clear cool air and was so grateful for my breath.  

Later that evening, I found myself feeling completely exhausted, physically, and emotionally. I wasn’t able to talk about what I had experienced that day, possibly because I didn’t even know how to describe the emotions I was feeling, or I hadn’t been able to process it yet. This was a layer of the COVID crisis that we haven’t heard much about as of yet. The dementia hospice patient…alone, confused and fearful, and not able to understand what is happening. The media has exposed us all to the horrific scenes of ERs and ICUs with staff scrambling to provide care to the sickest COVID patients, but there is also a large portion of our patients who are also sick, very isolated, along with all of this, have dementia.  

How do we, as nurses, manage our own feelings, anxieties, and emotions, while still trying the best we can to connect with some of our most vulnerable patients? I found the biggest help that day was to pause and acknowledge my own fears and my frustration at the situation. Processes and procedures are evolving rapidly, and it’s a challenge for all of us to adapt. Being kind to ourselves, showing self-compassion, and being gentle with ourselves is really important right now. This is not the time to be self-critical and judging of ourselves. We are trying the best that we can to show up and give the best care we can for our patients. Taking the time to acknowledge what you are feeling, and possibly saying to yourself, “this is difficult right now,” or “this is suffering, but it will get better.” 

As we are in our full PPE, it is really important to speak to our patients with extra care, perhaps slower and a bit louder, giving them ample time to respond to our questions, without having them feel rushed. They can’t see our lips moving and our voices are muffled with our masks, in addition to this, they may have loss of hearing.  It’s important to try to make a connection with each patient— maybe sharing stories, talk about their life, and find out one or two things about them prior to the visit to discuss during the visit. I found that that element of touch is still very important.  Even with a gloved hand, touching their arm and holding their hand still provides that incredibly important human component to the visit.  

It’s important to remember when caring for the dementia patient during this time that they may be confused, overwhelmed, and simply unable to communicate what they are feeling or what they need. It’s imperative that we take the time to calm our own nervous system first, to ask ourselves, “what do I need right now?” to show up the best we can for our patients in a calm, compassionate manner.

I’m inspired every day watching our nurses do what they do best for our patients…caring deeply. But there is a cost for caring…this situation is unlikely going to be a sprint to the finish line, it will most likely be a marathon. This may be our new norm, so caring for ourselves to better care for others is essential.  

Quarantine Questions! Giving meaning to our days…

Here we are, in week 4 of social isolation—efforts are being made still to “flatten the curve.”  I find myself wondering what it is going to be like in the future. How are we going to come out of this? What will be our new norm? Will I ever be able to shake another person’s hand, or give my hospice patients a well-needed hug?

No matter if we are sheltering in place or are essential workers, our daily routines have been greatly altered. I’ve found that some days I feel jarred with anxiety, and other days I feel like I am waking up in the middle of the Ground Hog Day movie, with each day blending into the next. Is it Tuesday or is it Saturday???

Doing a mindful check in every morning actually helps to make each day stand out from the others in a more positive way. I came up with some questions to ask myself each day that I would like to share with you, which may help to add some structure to your day, decrease anxiety and also add some pockets of joy in this difficult time we are experiencing. 

Here are the 6 questions…

1. What am I grateful for today?

In Viktor Frankl’s quote, “Between a stimulus and a response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”  This passage is from his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, which was about his time imprisoned by the Nazis in 1944. After being released, Frankl described his three years in the concentration camps of being tormented in mind, body and spirit. What he also described was the choice of how reframed his suffering into gratitude of what was truly important in life, and to be grateful for things that the rest of us may take for granted.

In his book, Frankl described how conditions of extreme deprivation and cruelty enabled the prisoners to attain incredibly high levels of gratitude for the tiny things, such as a colorful sunset or memories of family and loved ones. He wrote in his memoir, “We were grateful for the smallest of mercies.”  

Taking this passage in, what can you say that you are grateful for today? Take a few moments to make a list of the things that you may be grateful for, and continue to add to this list throughout the day. Research has shown that keeping a gratitude journal for 21 days actually changes the neuropathways in the brain, changing the brain chemistry, and has the similar effects of an antidepressant!  So, start noticing what you are grateful for and keeping track of that list today.

2. Can we still help others, even in the midst of “social distancing”?

 Even as we “social distance,” we need this time more than ever to pull together, despite the physical distance. My mom, who lives alone, has been inside her home for over 35 days. This is the safest place for her, and we try to support her by calling her several times a day, face-timing with her and reaching out to her any way we can (having conversations through her window). Who can you reach out to today? A neighbor who lives alone? Texting your friends to check in with them? Writing an old fashioned letter to someone, or calling an old high school friend. This is the time to reconnect—not isolate. This will not only make someone else feel less isolated but will also open your heart and lift your spirits as well!

3. Are you able to just let go?

Can you truly just let go of the expectations you may have for yourself? We want to be as productive as we were pre COVID crisis, but it’s just not possible right now. This may lead to strong emotions such as frustration, impatience, agitation, which is more disruptive to your household right now. Many of us are out of work, possibly setting up a home office while trying to homeschool our children. The pressures of getting homework assignments done, meeting your own deadlines for work, cooking a nutritious meal every night, and trying to keep the house disinfected is enough to make anyone crazy! That’s just a whole lot of pressure! Remember…we are in the middle of a global pandemic!!! It’s OK to be gentler with yourself right now. Give yourself some slack on things. What’s most important right now are the relationships under your roof, to show love and compassion towards yourself and one another. Being patient with yourself and then extending that to others you have in your household is most important. There is no “normal,” and every day we must adjust to the change that is constantly happening around us. Just try your best, and let go of expectations of what things “should” look like. This will bring more freedom and softness to your day and kindness to our relationships.   

4. Can I feel something bigger than myself out there?

The only place that I truly feel like I have ease in my body is being outside. Walking miles each day, very early in the morning has really served to calm my nervous system. Noticing that nature is still doing its thing, blooming, and showing its great beauty, despite everything that is happening right now in the world is comforting to me. The birds are still flying…in fact, I read in the newspaper this past week that there is a question trending on Google search, asking “are the birds singing louder right now?” Less noise pollution, taking time to just pause and deeply listen, and perhaps feeling a spiritual presence that we are not all alone in this is most likely what people are experiencing. Getting outside in nature and sitting in the sun for five minutes, or gazing at the stars and moon at night will bring back that sense of wonder and awe.    

5. Am I still moving?  

I’ve done more work on my computer over the last several weeks than I ever have!  When we are experiencing anxiety and fear in our bodies—we tend to contract inward, tightening muscles that we don’t even realize, and possibly even holding our breath! Take some time during the day to notice where your shoulders are in relation to your ears, and bring them down a bit, opening up your chest area. Are you breathing? Taking the time to shift out of our heads and back into our bodies will help with anxious feelings and also help to oxygenate all of the cells of the body. Lift your arms over your head and breathe in for a count of 4, then bring arms back down to your sides for a count of 4, and repeat several times. Try getting up and taking a walk around the block or running up and down your stairs in your home. Get that blood pumping in your body once again! If mobility is an issue, just doing some small joint rotations—like moving the wrists and/or ankles around clockwise and then counterclockwise. Pause to tilt your chin to your chest, look up to the sky, then to right and left, then shrugging the shoulders up and down. Take a moment to do some self-massage to the back of your neck muscles for a nice break from the computer, or place a hand on your heart to give yourself some kindness and compassion in the middle of your day.  

6. Can I practice “Beginner’s Mind” every day?

Beginners mind is my favorite attitude of mindfulness and my “go to” every day to bring some extra beauty and joy into my life. The practice of beginner’s mind is learning to approach something in your life like you have never seen or experienced it before. It’s seeing something with a fresh set of eyes, like you are seeing it for the first time, with no preconceived notions or judgments about it. When we allow a beginner’s mind approach, we let go of any agenda we may have, opening up new possibilities, with more openness and joy!

You can practice this by gazing upon a tree or a flower-like you have never seen it before, or seeing it with the eyes of a child, noticing every detail, with curiosity and openness. The ability to let in beauty is a powerful antidote to the loss of hope. There is still lots of beauty and goodness around us, we just need to practice letting it in every day.  

“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable”. -Mary Oliver

It is my hope that as I share these simple questions with you that they may help to create more meaning and connection for you in the days ahead. Be gentle with yourself while answering the questions, without added stress or worry about if we are answering them “correctly.” Allow the answers to flow spontaneously without judgment, and then perhaps passing the questions to someone else to create dialogue, connection and meaning to share some special moments together.   

I Can’t Sleep During this Pandemic!

The COVID-19 pandemic has changed the lives of people throughout the world in the past several weeks. It has really turned our world upside down. The chronic effects of stress, worry and uncertainty, learning new ways of working from home, job layoffs and financial worries, isolation from families and friends, and the growing numbers of people getting sick would have anyone’s sleep being disrupted. 

Issues range from trouble falling asleep or the 3 AM waking in the middle of the night, with your mind and thoughts going, heading down that highway of distress, with no exits for us to get off…that may be how it goes for us right now. The next morning we are tired, cranky and more anxious. The cycle continues to the next day and night…  

What we must remember through this COVID crisis that the one thing we can control is to practice good self-care. We must take care of ourselves and listen deeply to what our bodies need right now. It is crucial to do your part in staying as healthy as you can, and that includes proper sleep. Getting a sufficient amount of good quality sleep (which is different for all people) helps to boost the immune system, reduces the risk of infection and can actually improve outcomes for people fighting a virus.  

Here are some helpful tips in improving your sleep during this most challenging of times…

Limit the amount of screen time prior to going to sleep. The blue light from the screens tells our brain to stop producing melatonin (our sleep hormone), which can lead to trouble falling asleep

1. Try to keep a schedule while at home, avoid taking long naps that may disrupt your nighttime sleep cycle. 

2. Monitor intake of caffeine and alcohol.

3. Create a soothing ritual for yourself prior to sleep, such as taking a bath, reading a book, or meditation.  

4. Limit media exposure, especially prior to going to sleep!

5. Take time to connect with others, we may be social distancing, but that doesn’t mean we have to socially isolate. We need each other right now!

6. Try using a weighted blanket, which may help to improve the quality of your sleep.

7. Try this mindfulness exercise to help relax the autonomic nervous system…

20 Breaths Practice: This is a simple practice to help you create a powerful moment of relaxation and parasympathetic response in the middle of feeling stress and anxiety. By practicing this, you will discover that you have a calming natural resource within yourself that is never farther away than your next breath!

 Here’s how to do it…

1. Come to a complete “FULL STOP” of whatever you are doing or thinking…this practice needs your full attention!

2. Take in one breath, giving it your complete and full attention, noticing the inhale, the pause on the end of the inhale, and then the exhale and the slight pause on the end of the exhale. Repeat this for 20 breaths, (you can use your fingers to count) but taking one breath at a time. Don’t try to change the rhythm of your breath, just breathe naturally. The practice is about staying with each breath, watching steady and with great attention, not thinking about the last breath or future breaths, just this present moment breath.    

3. When you are practicing the 20 breaths exercise, each breath is a separate event, each breath is different and gets separate attention.

4. If your mind gets distracted, possibly wandering into the past or leading into the future just simply notice that it’s distracted, and then gently bring yourself back to the next breath.

5. Each breath is a chance to take a fresh start! No worries!

6. Add a layer of gentleness and kindness to yourself during this 20 breaths practice…

7. You may notice that you feel very relaxed and may actually fall asleep while doing this practice.  

8. This is a practice, so the more you do this, the more effective it will become.  Continue to try the 20 breaths exercise regularly to activate relaxation, rest and hopefully a better night’s sleep! 

What’s Here Right Now?… 2020 Pandemic

As a nurse practitioner, feeling the heartbreak of seeing patients in nursing facilities feeling very isolated, some confused and alone, and an MBSR (mindfulness-based stress reduction) teacher, trying to manage my own anxiety in this pandemic, I thought I would reach out and share some anxiety reduction tools that may be helpful during this most difficult time. There is a ton of anxiety in the world right now, uncertainty, stress, and fear…worrying about our families, how to protect our children, parents, our patients, coworkers and also ourselves.  I feel the anxiety within myself—this constant hum in the background of everything I’m doing, which is my nervous system completely revved up.    

We are all experiencing a global state of anxiety and stress right now. The fight or flight response is chronically activated—that’s the sympathetic nervous system response in our bodies that signals danger.  With that activation, pumping out adrenaline and cortisol in our bodies, along with the collective grief—the loss of our safety, the social distancing resulting in loss of touch, and major challenges in delivering care to our patients, and separation from our families, it’s no wonder our bodies are taking the hit.  

No other time has been like this, but this is a time we can all pull together and care for ourselves as well as others.  I’m trying to reframe this moment in time as an opportunity to listen deeply, to come back to myself, to open my heart to what’s here right now, and to offer compassion to myself and others. 

Here are some steps we can offer ourselves to help to calm the nervous system and to practice inner stability, and activate the parasympathetic nervous system (the rest and digest response): 

1. Each time that we feel like we are heading down that distress highway of the past or the future, catastrophizing of how things may be, we can catch ourselves. This is about learning how to rest in the unknowing and letting the fear and unrest just be.  Being with what is right now in this moment, without trying to change it or push it away.  Naming the emotion or layer of emotions that we are feeling in this very moment…this is fear, this is anxiety, this is uncertainty. Pull out the welcome mat for all the emotions you are experiencing without pushing them away. Observe the emotions, name them to tame them…creating some space between you and your emotions.  

2. Come back to your breath…that sacred breath that you were born with, that breath that accompanies you each moment of your life until your last breath.  I call it “home base”, and it’s available to us anytime.  Simply by inhaling to a count of 4, holding the breath slightly, and then exhaling to a count of 8 helps to activate that parasympathetic nervous system response, calming the body, and decreasing the cortisol levels quickly. Repeat the cycle of breath 5 to 6 times, and practice this regularly throughout the day. Coming back to your breath is grounding and calming…

3. Give yourself some self-compassion: Placing a hand on your heart and one on your belly, closing your eyes, and breathing in deeply, saying to yourself “This is a difficult time right now.”  Being kind and gentle to yourself…practice taking in the good around you, go on a walk around your neighborhood, notice the birds singing, the flowers blooming, and receive the healing effects from nature. 

4. There is no fighting what we are all in right now, but being with what is…and somehow allowing and accepting all of it, helps to decrease anxiety and calm us during this time. I will leave you with this poem that I think sums all of this up, and I ask for God’s blessing to protect us all, and to heal our earth.  

Allow

There is no controlling life.

Try corralling a lightning bolt,

Containing a tornado.

Dam a stream and it will create a new channel.

Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet.

Allow, and grace will carry you to a higher ground.

The only safety lies in letting it all in –

The wild and the weak: fear, fantasies, failures and success.

When loss rips off the doors of the heart, or sadness veils your vision with despair,

Practice becomes simply bearing the truth.

In the choice to let go of your known way of being,

The whole world is revealed to your new eyes.

By: Danna Faulds

Your Inner Compass...

I believe that everyone has an inner compass, whether we have accessed it or not, it’s there.  It’s our true self, our most authentic place of being.  When we were children, people would ask us “what do you want to be when you grow up?  Now, as an adult they may ask “what do you do for a living?”  The question has changed from what do you want to “BE” to what do you “DO”.  There was a great shift from BEING to DOING. 

How I see it, the “doing” part focuses on our success, our goals and activities in work, where as the “being” part zeros in on our intuitive self, our passions and values, and what makes our heart happy.    

What is your true inner compass?  We may start to answer this question with creating a list.  The list is not a “to do” list, but a “to be” list.  We spend so much of our day “doing”, let’s try to shift gears and spend part of our day “being”. 

Ask yourself some questions to get this “being” list started…

• What really matters most to you?

• Do I start my day with an intention?

• How would I like my day to unfold?

• What would I like to give my attention and focus to today?

• What brings me joy?

• Do I feel a sense of balance in my life?

• What makes my heart happy?

• What is my usual state of mind while I’m at work?

• Am I listening to that inner voice and following my intuitive sense?

• What kind of person do I wish to be?

• What activities or moments in my life are truly meaningful to me?

These questions will help you to reflect on what’s truly important in guiding that life energy that may have been suppressed by all of the “doing” we are exposed to on a daily basis.  We can still thrive in our “doing” mode by instilling some of the “being” traits to our life’s work. 

Work then may become more meaningful and have a new sense of purpose when we are more inspired by our own inner compass.   

Bringing Mindfulness into Everyday Activities...

Want to bring more joy into your life and decrease your anxiety?  We are on autopilot  for most of our everyday activities, often not noticing or being present for the details of our life.  An easy way is to incorporate some informal mindfulness practices to our daily routines.   It will change the way we look at the menial tasks we do every day and help us wake up to the moments of our lives.   

Here are some easy ways to get you started…

Taking a shower:  When we are showering, how many times are we thinking about the day ahead of us, the meetings, deadlines, or possibly stuck in yesterday’s problems… ruminating about what happened and not being able to let it go?  The next time you shower, notice the sounds of the water as it sprays out of the nozzle, notice the temperature of the water, the feel of the water spraying into your hair and shoulders, the smell of the soap and shampoo, and the bubbles on your hair and skin. 

When thoughts arise, acknowledge them, and gently bring your attention back to the shower.  Again and again, it is likely that your attention will wander.  As soon as you realize this, note what it was that distracted you, without judgement, and gently bring your attention back to the shower.   

Enjoy the experience of JUST BEING in the shower!

Washing the dishes…OK – not the most fun task of our day, a monotonous chore and at times, a dreaded task that we simply blunder through to get it over with.  What if we added an element of curiosity to washing the dishes?  Paying attention to each detail, feeling the pleasant sensation of the running water on our hands, smelling the dish soap, and noticing the fragile little bubbles forming around the dishes. Practicing being fully awake and present for the experience, feeling our feet grounded and standing firmly at the sink. Slowing down enough to sense into the subtle physical sensations in your body.

 Stuck in traffic, or waiting in line:  This can be extremely stressful, especially when you are late for an appointment.  It is very easy to feel frustration, anger and anxiety in these situations.  However, these situations are the best times to practice informal mindfulness techniques!  Try a mindful check in:  just noticing how we are showing up in that moment, are we breathing, or possibly holding our breath?  Where are our shoulders…tense and up near our ears?  Try to relax your shoulders and find your breath in the body.  Perhaps take a few deep breaths, counting up to 4 on the inhale, and counting to 8 on the exhale.  This automatically activates the relaxation response.   Repeat this process for 4 breaths and try to release any tension with each exhale, resulting in feeling more calm and centered. 

Walking from your car to work: We are in such a hurry to get from point A to point B.  Next time you walk from your car to work, notice the sense of touch between your feet and the ground as you are walking.  Observe how your weight seamlessly transfers from one foot to the other, almost effortlessly.  Look around at your surroundings, be awake for your walk and notice what is around you.  Listen to the sounds around you, a bird chirping, the wind blowing. 

These are just a few examples how to incorporate mindfulness into your daily life, and how it has the potential to shift your attitude from anxiety and frustration to curiosity, openness and being more present for what is happening around you.  You may even start to let a bit more joy in during these times!

 Experiment and try it out – share what you find most interesting and useful.  I find that these easy techniques and practices have the potential to turn simple tasks into the meaningful moments of our lives.

Peace…

Marygrace

Beginner’s Mind…

 In the practice of Mindfulness, there are 7 attitudes that we keep in mind, moving towards a path of healing and growth. They are as follows: Non-judging, Patience, Beginner’s mind, Trust, Non-striving, Acceptance and Letting Be. 

Beginner’s mind is learning to look at something like it’s the first time you are seeing it. It reminds me of a time when my husband and I took our children to the beach for the first time when they were babies. Watching them look at the sand, trying to eat the sand, looking out at the vast ocean, seeing the waves come in and out—the wonder in their eyes was pure magic. I take that experience from way back when, and I apply it to my own meditation every morning.  

We tend to take the ordinary for granted and fail to grasp the extraordinary in our everyday life. To begin to see the richness of the present moment, we are then willing to see everything as if for the first time. An open, beginner’s mind allows us to be receptive to new possibilities.  

Beginners mind is one of my favorite attitudes to practice, and I’ve made up my morning meditation ritual with this practice in mind. Every morning, I pour myself a cup of coffee. I take time to smell the aroma of the coffee brewing, to listen to the pour of the coffee in my cup, and to notice how the cream turn the coffee a soft caramel color. I take my cup of coffee out onto my back porch, no matter how cold it is (I wrap myself in a warm blanket), and look out upon an old oak tree we have in the backyard. I take my first sip of my hot coffee like it’s the first time I’ve ever tasted it. Then I look to that old oak tree like I’ve never seen it before. If it’s still dark outside, I see the leaves twinkling in the moonlight with a backdrop of the sky full of stars. I feel the wind in my face, I listen to the sounds of the rustling of the trees, or in the spring—I listen to the birds rising for the day. I’ve seen that big old tree in every season and in every climate. I say a silent prayer for the people I will encounter during the day. It starts my day with a sense of grounding and of peace. I have learned to see that tree as a great friend and listener, something that I can start my day with that is both reliable and resilient, no matter what.  

Time

There were times in my life that I felt like I was always late for something. Running from one thing to another, stress heightening, being late for each appointment, meeting, or hurrying to get in the car to drop off the kids somewhere. I viewed time as my enemy. I was always running against the clock.  I had a love/hate relationship with it. I loved to have time but felt like there was never enough of it.   

I was recently reflecting back about when the kids were little, my husband and I took them tent camping (which I really wasn’t looking forward to…). I agreed to the adventure, but my only request was that we leave our watches at home. There was no need to know the time of day it was—I asked that we slept when we were tired, we woke when the sun came up, and we ate when we were hungry. It was liberating! The days unfolded as if they had a particular rhythm within the nature around us. I thought to myself, the birds are never late for anything, the deer passing by our tent are not looking at their watch, and the sun and moon know exactly when to show up each day without setting an alarm clock. 

Last week, I took care of an older gentleman in the hospice where I work, and we got to talking about my youngest son, who will be graduating from college this year. My patient was curious to know more about my son’s life plans and how it related to his own journey of life when he was a young boy. He listened attentively, smiled and looked up to say to me, “Oh, the luxury of time…”.  My patient asked me to tell my son to enjoy every moment of growing into adulthood—the ups and downs, the heartbreaks and the triumphs. I shared this encounter with my son that evening when I got home from work. The next morning, I learned that my patient had died during the night. Life is so fragile, but what a gift that conversation was.

The “luxury of time,” it’s something that has stayed with me, as I’ve never really thought of time in terms of that statement before. When I think of a luxury, my initial thought is a material item, such as a fancy new car or a piece of jewelry. But time as a luxury?

Practicing mindfulness over the past several years, I found that I view time more as a luxury. To go from a state of  constantly doing to just being, even if it’s just for 5 minute mindful check-in throughout my day. To take a 5 minute pause to sit, to come back to myself, to be in this moment, this moment that is happening right now. To take a few breaths, to feel my feet on the floor and check in with my emotions, feelings, bodily sensations, and where I am in this world. Maybe to say a silent prayer. Or a quite observation of how am I showing up today? To feel a sense of grounding and calm, to feel time slow down and pause, and then move back into my day.  

This has helped tremendously in my stress levels and in time management. It feels like I’ve actually created more space in my day. I feel the “luxury of time” between the activities of daily life. The pauses may happen during natural transitions in my day such as getting in and out of my car, between meetings or phone calls, or before I rise out of bed in the morning. I equate my mindful check-ins to the rests or pause intervals of silence in a beautiful piece of music. It’s the pausing that allow us to hear the notes of a grand symphony, otherwise, every note played would all run together. It’s the life pauses that have the potential to refresh and renew, slow things down a bit and have us wake up to each life moment. It allows me to feel the great “luxury of time.”