“Everything is beautiful and I am so sad.
This is how the heart makes a duet of
wonder and grief. The light spraying
through the lace of the fern is as delicate
as the fibers of memory forming their web
around the knot in my throat. The breeze
makes the birds move from branch
to branchas this ache makes me look for those I’ve lost
in the next room, in the next song, in the laugh
of the next stranger. In the very center, under
it all, what we have that no one can take
away and all that we’ve lost face each other.
It is there that I’m adrift, feeling punctured
by a holiness that exists inside everything.
I am so sad and everything is beautiful.”
This poem, Adrift, by Mark Nepo describes the duality of life… the wonder and the grief, the light and the dark, the joy and the sadness. This is may be how the holidays may feel for some. I just finished teaching a four week session for Pathways for Grief and Loss and so many of the brave participants who had a recent loss of a loved one actually dreaded the holidays coming up.
The season is full of reminders of experiences we’ve had and aren’t able to experience any longer, and the people we’ve loved, which can bring a deep sadness to the season. Then we may feel a sense of pressure of what we “should” be feeling, the magic the season “should” bring. The holidays are supposed to be the happiest time of the year, and yet that feeling of dread is here.
What is your truth? You don’t have to feel the pressure of how you “should” feel this season. Navigating your way around the holiday season takes a lot of energy to keep it together, to spend time putting a smile on your face when deep down inside, there is a profound heartache.
It’s okay if you are sad right now. Let it all in, become aware of your emotions and feelings, and don’t resist what’s here right now. Know that you are NOT alone. This is a time to be extremely gentle with yourself, to honor your thoughts and feeling, and to reach out to those who understand. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to an invitation if it feel too heavy, too difficult for you to accept. Don’t feel guilty in your decision to take care of yourself during this difficult time.
This too, shall pass. January will come, a time to have space to breathe, to reset, and to see the wonder in the winter. Use this as a time of self compassion, of kindness and gentleness to yourself.
Continue to show up for yourself. As the poem reads, there is a holiness that exists in everything. Find those little pieces of holiness around you.
You are strong, you are resilient, dig deep down inside yourself and know your truth.
Wishing you all peace, health and love this holiday season,
Marygrace